Side eyes and discomforting looks: How I have to deal with this feeling everyday
Navigating a strong self-identity as a visual minority in Canadian society can be difficult. Here are some tips for dealing with uncomfortable side-eyes.
As I walk through the diverse streets of Toronto every day, I can't help but notice the many eyes that seem to be constantly watching my every move. It feels as though I'm living out a scene from George Orwell's "1984," where "Big Brother is always watching," except in my case, it's the government and the public who are keeping an eye on me.
No matter where I go, it seems like there is always someone who judges me based on my appearance. Whether it's my turban, beard, clothing, or body size, I am constantly scrutinized. It doesn't matter what I'm doing or where I am in the world, there always seems to be someone passing judgment on me.
"Discomfiting" means making someone feel uneasy, embarrassed, or uncomfortable in a situation. It's like causing someone to feel awkward or unsettled.
I have felt discomfit and discomfort throughout Journalism School because me being the only guy walking around with that appearance and background.
Even walking down that graduation stage on Convocation was a proud day for me and my parents at the same time I had Imposter Syndrome like I didn’t belong in mainstream media or journalism in general because of the way I looked and my background.
Recently, I went on a week-long trip to Alberta with some of my friends. One day, we visited Lake Louise and were taking a photo. Suddenly, a random old white lady came up to us and said, "Congratulations." I didn't know why she said that, so I thanked her anyway. After a second, my friends and I burst out laughing, wondering why she congratulated us in the first place.
Then we realized we were racially profiled.
A few days ago, I was on my way to Toronto Metropolitan University where I work as a Teaching Assistant. As I got off the subway at Dundas Station, a stranger approached me and said, "Jagmeeet". I didn't respond or say anything back as I was in a hurry to get to work.
Then later that same day, I was chilling on campus with some of my friends and one of the people who was also there came up to me and said, “Not to be rude or anything but you already graduated and because you are a TA you might intimidate students coming into this space.”
Having grown up in this diverse and multicultural country, I have realized that my appearance often sets me apart, leading to curious glances and uncomfortable stares from those around me.
"I'm a Canadian Sikh who grew up in Brampton, where I was able to see how diverse Canada is and how important it is to embrace our differences."
Despite the numerous sideways glances and questioning looks, I have realized that the perceptions of others do not define my identity or my principles. Even though I may stand out in a crowd, that does not diminish the value of my experiences or the richness of my heritage.
As I navigate the daily baggage of side eyes and discomforting looks, I remind myself of the invaluable tools at my disposal to maintain my peace and self-assurance.
Here are some tips to help you handle uncomfortable or awkward looks from strangers in public places:
Stay Calm: In the face of scrutiny, it's crucial to stay composed. I take a deep breath, grounding myself in the knowledge that I am not defined by others' fleeting perceptions.
Ignore It: Sometimes, the most potent response is silence. I choose to focus on my path, disregarding the negative attention and channelling my energy into my actions and aspirations.
Confidence: Like a sturdy shield, confidence guards me against the arrows of judgment. I hold my head high, radiating assurance through my posture and demeanour, refusing to let external opinions dictate my worth.
Engage Positively: When possible, I approach those casting looks with warmth and openness. A simple smile or friendly greeting can often disarm negativity, fostering connection instead of division.
Seek Support: Recognizing the toll that constant scrutiny can take on my well-being, I lean on trusted allies for support. Whether it's a friend, family member, or mental health professional, their guidance offers perspective and peace.
Address the Issue: Confronting misconceptions head-on, I endeavour to clarify misunderstandings and assert my boundaries with grace and respect. By fostering open dialogue, I pave the way for understanding and empathy to flourish.
Focus on Positive Interactions: Amidst the sea of negativity, I seek out positive connections that uplift and encourage me. Surrounding myself with supportive individuals, I am reminded of my inherent worth and the power of genuine connection.
Educate Others: Recognizing that ignorance often underlies judgment, I seize opportunities to educate others about my experiences and perspectives. By fostering empathy and understanding, I sow the seeds of acceptance and inclusivity.
Remember Your Worth: Above all, I stay determined to the knowledge that my worth is inherent and immutable when it comes down to my principles. Regardless of external opinions or behaviours, I am deserving of respect and dignity, grounded in a deep well of self-love and acceptance.